i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
