Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
