Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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