Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
