did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
