I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
