I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
