My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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