he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
