U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
