ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
