she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
