this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Be still, my beating vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize