Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
