Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
