Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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