can u get pink eye on your cock?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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