based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize