took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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