when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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