dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Small penises have feelings too.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
