Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize