O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
