I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
