Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
