I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
