There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
