It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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