i permit you to call me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
