I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
