dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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