I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
