your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
