I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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