Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
