We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
