At least make sure they are 18
Why
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pants are for mortals
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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