I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
