you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Alive.
So much puke
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
