As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
