we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
