Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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