I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
