she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
