Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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