The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
