none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
