its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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