i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
