and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
