Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
