is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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