All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
