I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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