Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
