I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
