He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
