just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
