Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
