So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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