i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
