What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
