I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She even gives head with a lisp.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize