I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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