my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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